Our friend, Dana, tells us that, “no success in life can compensate for failure to go to Rome.” And when you’re in Rome—and really, all of Italy, “it’s always a good time for gelato.”

These are words to live by.

For most of the month of August, we bounced around Italy. Rome → Siena → Loro Ciuffenna (Tuscan countryside) → Florence → and Pisa. Plus, we made a couple of day trips to San Gimignano and Cortona.

It’s impossible to give you the full scoop on everything, but here are a few highlights.

(Not pictured are the meltdowns, the mosquito bites, the heat stroke, nor taking the wrong road—which we did more than once. But gelato makes everything better.)

Rome

The day we went, it was 100 degrees—it was a heat wave the whole time we were in Rome. And, the line to get to the fountain was enormous.

“What kind of fountain has a line?! I’m not waiting in that.”

This is as close as we got. We did, however, stop at the gelato place next door.

We caught our first taxi just around the corner from the Piazza Navona. Somehow, we crammed our crew of six into a Prius. Pretty awesome. Not as awesome as the architecture and statues here, but still.

We went to church on Sunday at the ward building next to the temple, then spent some time in the visitors center. Really amazing stuff. ChuckDub, Bean, and I came back later in the week to do baptisms for the dead.

We took the wrong bus both times.

Before I saw the no photography sign, I snapped this. It’s not blurry in real life. Turns out, that Michelangelo was really, really good.

The whole chapel felt smaller than we thought it would. Didn’t diminish the spectacle, but the grandeur of St. Peters and others was actually more impressive.

Though, as ChuckDub put it, “why am I seeing so many boobs and penises? A lot of naked people for a church.”

You could spend all day in the museums. Or, if you’re our family, anything more than 60 seconds generates a “when are we gonna be done?”

We took a little bus tour of the Vatican, including the Vatican gardens. Was a great decision, especially because of the heat. The poor nuns we encountered along the way were melting.

Okay, this place is stunning. Stunning! We waited out in the hot sun, so we were pretty tired and cranky, but all of us were in awe of the grandeur and intricate details. Easily one of the most beautiful places in the world.

Notice how he’s holding the keys? Metaphor alert. Priesthood keys, eh?

Also, the box thing in front of him, at his feet, is a jumbotron. It’s also pretty cool.

Bean noticed some green parrots have taken home in the nooks up high.

One, it’s incredible that this is still here. Two, how on earth did they build things back then? Well done, Romans.

This is one of several small chapels all in a row filled with decorations made of human bones. A little macramé, a femur here, a skull there, and you got yourself some wicked interior design. I think the look they’re going for is modern medieval. Call HGTV.

Honestly, the crypt visit was both fascinating and unsettling.

While the bigs and I went to the Rome temple, Mony and the littles attended a cooking class. They learned how to make gelato—did you know you have to cook it first?—and pizza, which they already knew you had to cook before eating. Cuz they’re professionals.

Siena

We timed our Siena trip so that we’d be there in time for the Palio—a horse race unlike anything we’ve ever seen.

A quick explanation:

A jillion people pack into the center of the piazza—the race takes place around the exterior.

I’m not kidding when I say this is epic. The contrades live and die by this race. The energy of the place is unreal.

The start to this race isn’t the traditional starting line.

They stretch a rope across the track and then draw contrades to see how riders will be positioned. Then, there’s a ton of jockeying and maneuvering to get in a better spot. No “on your mark, get set, go” business. Instead, the guy who starts the race just waits for everyone to be sorta of lined up. Then he drops the rope and the race is on.

The race starter guy is immediately whisked away because there’s always so much controversy as to whether all riders are really lined up, who’s jockeyed for position, etc. Seriously, they’ll attack and kill the guy if anyone thinks he got it wrong.

On the day of our race, he totally screwed our Eagles rider. Also, it took more than an hour before he dropped the rope. This is, apparently, pretty standard.

The night before the Palio, each contrade has a giant dinner for everyone in the neighborhood. Getting tickets to a contrade dinner is a miracle and a dream come true.

Somehow, we finagled tickets for our family. I’ll have to give you the scoop on how, but suffice to say, it involved a back alley, a friendly contrade leader, and a little alcohol.

The dinner started about 9 p.m. We left around 1 a.m.

SO. MUCH. FUN!

Loro Ciuffenna (Tuscan Countryside)

Loro Ciuffenna is a small, quiet town not far from Arezzo in the heart of Tuscany. We stayed at an agroturismo—a working farm hotel. It was perched up on a hill, with vineyards and olive groves and miles and miles of views.

We stayed about 10 days, rented two little cars (cheaper than a giant van and much easier to park), and made this our home based as we explored a few other parts of the region.

Looks beautiful. Also, mosquitos. So many mosquitos. It’s been unusually rainy so the mosquitos were out in force. All the kids had a ton. I think Bean won with 30+ at one point.

Simona, who manages the place we stayed and taught us to make pasta, is also on the leadership committee for activities in the town. She invited us to this mind-blowing concert from an award-winning quartet. I’ve never experienced anything like it. It was late, raining a little outside, and the sound just bounced and bounced off the stone walls completely wrapping the audience in music.

Cortona

We got in our tiny cars and made a day trip over to Cortona. It’s amazing. The same little town center from Under The Tuscan Sun. Good movie.

The town is hilly. Very hilly. We got our steps + cardio in that day. Especially hiking up to the church at the top of town, where, as luck would have it, they were having a wedding.

(The town is car-free; you have to park at a lot down below and then everyone just walks.)

San Gimignano

Another small town and home to the best gelato in the world. This isn’t hyperbole. Legit, they have the best gelato in the world and won the gelato world cup. It’s a real thing.

We popped in and ate a lot of gelato while in San Gimignano. And it also ruined us. Sooooo good. Like Cortona, it’s a car-free town, so wandering the narrow streets and browsing the happy little shops is the perfect way to spend a day.

Florence

We packed up our stuff and drove the hour or so to Florence, dropped off the cars, and started to explore.

The poor kids saw too many museums, too many churches. By the time we left Florence, they were museum/churched out.

We keep telling them, they’ll thank us some day. They don’t believe us.

We hired a guide to take us through the Uffizzi Gallery and some other spots in the city. Apparently, this is Michelangelo’s only painting. He painted tons of frescos (ceilings, walls, etc.) and was a master sculpture, but didn’t really consider himself a painter.

Thankfully, he added some naked people in the background.

Pisa

Our flight out of Italy left from Pisa, so we went a few hours early and quickly checked out the leaning tower.

After Pisa, we jumped on the PisaMover—ask ChuckDub about that—and caught our flight to Dubai. Stay tuned for the Dubai fun…